I’ve just got in from having to run the 20 minute walk home as it was THROWING it down with rain. Boo. I think this is also a metaphor for how I’m feeling right now. It’s gonna be difficult for me to write this blog without sounding like I’m moaning, but I’ll try…
Basically I’m feeling a bit down and useless at the moment. I almost feel bad for not having a good time. I feel like because I’m on my year abroad I should be having fun all the time AND I really hate the thought that other people are having more fun than me in other places so I feel like to justify me being here I should be happy happy happy all the time. But I am only human. And sometimes human’s just feel a bit ‘meh’.
I know why I feel like this though, it’s because uni term has now started in the UK. Facebook is full of albums called ‘Freshers in 3rd year!’, ‘Back to uni!’ and ‘Everyone in the UK is having more fun than Sarah because we can speak the same language as the country we’re in’. OK. I may have made up the last one. I keep getting invited to parties in Birmingham. I keep getting invited to Birmingham uni events. And I hate to say it but... I MISS BIRMINGHAM. I never thought I’d say that. It took me two years to get settled there! And the worst part is that when I go back next year it’s all going to be different because none of my friends will be there. Sigh. I think I expected Birmingham uni to just skip this year as I wasn’t going to be present. Clearly ridiculous, but this is my head.
I’m also super tired because I haven’t been sleeping well at all recently. The genius that designed this bed decided to put a bar down the middle of it. No position is comfy. And everything just seems bad when you are awake in the middle of the night – I turn into a crazed, emotional girl.
And then today it rained and rained and RAINED. So now I’m tired and soaking. GAH.
OK moan over. Here’s what I’ve been up to the past couple of days:
I met up with Alex and Jacqui, the directors of Love Russia over the weekend on one of their trips to Moscow. We visited a centre that teaches young people with learning disability’s vocational skills in order to help them get jobs. The director of the centre was a great man who provided us with cake, sandwiches and of course, vodka. The work that they do there is really great. I chatted with some of the young people and they told me how much they loved it there.
On Friday night we went to a concert put on by Emma Marie, who lives here in Moscow running a music programme in a young people’s prison. The work she is doing is awesome. She’s so hard working! She’s lived in Russia two years now and her Russian is beyond amazing. I hope I manage to get that good too!
I want to investigate other charities in Moscow as well. I found a long list of all the charities here and spent ages last night emailing them all. I had no replies today though, a little disheartening. I really want to get involved with some projects in Moscow but I’m finding it really difficult to do.
After the huge moan at the beginning of this blog I have to say I am OK though! I’m really enjoying school here! In the UK I thought nothing of skipping classes if I hadn’t had enough sleep but here I’m still going in even after only 3 hours sleep. My Russian is getting so much better!
My mum said on the phone the other day that she thought I sounded a lot happier here than I ever did in Birmingham, and Alex and Jacqui said the same when they visited Moscow over the weekend. I thought this was really weird because I felt like I was actually missing the UK tons and just trying to fool everyone (badly – I’m a rubbish liar) that I was having so much fun... blahblahblah. But then I got thinking about it and when I’m in Russia it does just feel right. I can’t explain it because obviously I have days (like today) when I am ready to run to the airport and fly straight back home and forget I ever went to Russia, never mind studied the language. But something is keeping me here. I just want to know what it is!!! I want to get involved with something here and feel like I’m making a difference. That is after all the whole reason I decided to study Russian.
So this was a bit of a moan but I’ll leave you with this positive. I’m off to watch a lot of X Factor on youtube. I can’t let X Factor go yet. I’m not ready to be that Russian.